Self–Esteem is about the relationship you have with yourself. It’s a feeling that lives within you. This relationship can be good for short periods of time but never sustains.
Self-esteem can also be good in some areas of your life and very low in others. How you feel about yourself will dictate how you live your life and how you are treated by others. It will also influence the type of couple relationship you choose, the profession you are in, the decisions you make, and of course how you view and treat yourself and others.
If your self-esteem is low, it will manifest itself around you. You may have the feeling that you are never really feeling good enough, no matter what you have achieved in life. You will often go the extra mile for people with this not being reciprocated. We often look outside of ourselves to feed our self-esteem. This could be with love from others, material success, professional achievement, even fame. When self-esteem is an issue, no matter what you fill your life with, you will always go back to the place within you that tells you that you’re not good enough.
Did I ever have Self-Esteem?
Yes, you were born with it but as soon as you reach an age that you can understand and listen, you may hear opinions and statements from others around you, such as parents, grandparents, siblings, and teachers, that start to have an influence on the relationship you have with yourself. As a youngster, you will believe everything you are told. “You are useless”, “you will never amount to anything”, “if only you could be as bright as your sibling”. When people become jealous of you they often attack your self-esteem as it easy to rock and very difficult to rebuild. Self-esteem is the soft underbelly of the human condition and it is very easily attacked. This is one example of when self-esteem becomes fragile.
If I reclaim it, can it be fixed?
YES, for sure! It’s a bit like Peter Pan’s shadow. We need to go on the hunt for it together and when we find it again, we sow it on tight to make sure we never lose it again. There is no quick fix, no defining answer, but when you seek it out you will find it. When we let go of guilt, fear, shame, and tame the inner bully, the critical voice that reminds you that you are not good enough, you will start to feel the shift slowly starting to happen. It’s like working a muscle. It might be a wee bit sore, to begin with, but it soon becomes strong and comfortable to serve you well. When you really get to know yourself and start to appreciate the wonder of you, the self-esteem will start to trickle back and then gather momentum.
If you would like to measure your self-esteem you can download a questionnaire and send it back to us and we can suggest a way forward for you. Alternatively, contact the Nightingale Counselling team on 0141 353 9373 or by clicking here, to discuss how we can help you with any self-esteem issues you may have.