Self esteem is how you think and feel about yourself. This usually dictates how you live your life, how you are treated by others and the type of couple relationship you are in or have been in, as well as the decisions you make, and how you view others.
If your self esteem is low, it will manifest itself around you. You may have the feeling that you are never really feeling good enough, no matter what you have achieved in life. You will often go the extra mile for people with this not being reciprocated. We often look outside of ourselves to feed our self esteem. This could be with love from others, material success, professional achievement, even fame. When self esteem is an issue, no matter what you fill your life with, you will always go back to the place within you that tells you that you’re not good enough. If you carry an inner bully that has a critical voice and tells you that you are not good enough, it’s time to face them head-on. As with any bully, when challenged they run away and you break the myth.
In our materialistic world, people continually compare themselves with those around them. This highlights our insecurities and often leads us to feel negative about ourselves and the way we live and act. We lose sight of the value of our own individuality and then feel inadequate and unsatisfied. Getting to really know yourself and appreciating your value will not only increase your self-esteem, but it will also encourage you to connect to your confident self.
Confident people are not brash or overpowering. They are usually calm and respectful of themselves and others. They are aware of their strengths and proud of their achievements. They can take ownership of their weaknesses without treating themselves in a harsh way. They are happy to embrace change and learn from others. When we lack confidence in ourselves, we are often defensive, fearful of rejection or criticism. This keeps us from being honest with ourselves and others. No one is perfect, and acceptance that we are not or ever will be perfect, allows us to embrace the qualities we have.
When we increase our self esteem and build our confidence, we can accept we have the right to make decisions that are right for us. Assertive behaviour enables us to act in our own best interests and to stand up for ourselves without undue anxiety. However, to find true assertiveness we need to be aware that to state our case or say no to an unreasonable request should never be delivered with aggression or passive aggression. Assertiveness is a true art that will ensure we keep the respect of others. We need to learn to deliver our message in a calm, honest and respectful way.
All our counsellors will work in a variety of ways and build a personal development programme for you. We will also use written exercises and directed reading to effect change. Working to improve your self esteem takes time and effort. It requires courage and honesty to confront the things in yourself you don’t like, but in the long-term, it is a worthwhile task that will help you to build a better relationship with yourself based on compassion and respect for yourself. It will build your confidence and encourage you to be more assertive. When you do this work, all your relationships will change for the better. If you have not had great success with couple relationships in your life, then watch this space.