Talking about sex isn’t always easy. When sexual thoughts or behaviours begin to feel out of control, many people experience confusion, shame, or isolation. If this sounds familiar, you’re far from alone—and there is effective, compassionate support available.
In this post, we explain what sexual compulsivity is, how it can affect your life and relationships, and how psychosexual therapy can help you regain a healthier, more balanced relationship with sex.
What Is Sexual Compulsivity?
Sexual compulsivity refers to repetitive sexual thoughts, urges, or behaviours that feel difficult to manage or stop, even when they lead to distress or unwanted consequences.
It can present in different ways, including:
- Compulsive use of pornography
- Repeated masturbation despite attempts to cut back
- Secretive or risky sexual encounters
- Excessive preoccupation with sexual thoughts
- Using sexual behaviour to cope with stress, anxiety, loneliness, or low mood
Sexual compulsivity is not about having a high libido. Instead, it’s about the sense of losing choice or control, and the impact this has on emotional wellbeing, relationships, and self‑esteem.
Why Does Sexual Compulsivity Develop?
Sexual compulsivity rarely appears without reason. For many people, it develops as a way of coping with difficult internal experiences.
Common underlying factors include:
- Stress, pressure, or burnout
- Anxiety or depression
- Past trauma or attachment difficulties
- Shame or confusion around sexuality
- Difficulty regulating emotions
- Constant access to online sexual content
While sexual behaviour may initially bring relief or distraction, this effect is usually short‑lived. Over time, a cycle can develop—urge, behaviour, temporary relief, followed by guilt or shame—making it harder to break without support.
The Impact of Sexual Compulsivity
When left unaddressed, sexual compulsivity can affect many areas of life:
- Relationships: secrecy, loss of trust, reduced intimacy, or ongoing conflict
- Mental health: increased anxiety, low mood, shame, or feelings of being ‘out of control’
- Work and focus: difficulty concentrating or staying present
- Self‑worth: harsh self‑judgement or feeling disconnected from personal values
Many people delay seeking help due to embarrassment or fear of judgement. In reality, these struggles are more common than most realise—and highly treatable.
How Psychosexual Therapy Can Help
Psychosexual therapy offers a specialist, confidential, and non‑judgemental space to explore concerns around sex, intimacy, and relationships.
Rather than focusing on stopping behaviour alone, psycho‑sexual therapy looks at the emotional, psychological, and relational factors that drive compulsive patterns.
In Psychosexual Therapy, You May Work On:
- Understanding triggers and patterns linked to compulsive sexual behaviour
- Developing practical tools to manage urges and emotional distress
- Exploring beliefs, shame, or anxiety connected to sex
- Improving emotional regulation and self‑awareness
- Rebuilding trust and intimacy within relationships
- Creating a healthier, values‑led relationship with sexuality
Therapy is typically informed by approaches such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), psychodynamic therapy, trauma‑informed practice, and mindfulness‑based techniques, all adapted to your individual needs.
For some clients, couples or relationship‑based psycho‑sexual therapy can be particularly effective, especially where trust or communication has been affected.
Recovery Is About Choice, Not Perfection
Recovery from sexual compulsivity doesn’t mean eliminating desire or striving for perfection. It’s about developing choice, awareness, and self‑compassion, so that sexual behaviour supports—rather than undermines—your wellbeing and relationships.
With the right support, many people find they feel more grounded, connected, and confident over time.
Taking the First Step
If sexual thoughts or behaviours are causing distress, psycho‑sexual therapy can help you make sense of what’s happening and move forward in a healthier way.
At our practice, we offer discreet, professional psycho‑sexual therapy for individuals and couples, supporting you to:
- Understand what’s driving compulsive sexual patterns
- Develop sustainable strategies for change
- Build a more positive relationship with sex and intimacy
Ready to Talk?
Reaching out can feel daunting, but it’s the most important step. Psychosexual counsellors will put you at ease very quickly
Book a confidential consultation
Get in touch to ask questions
Begin the process of regaining balance and control
Support is available—and you don’t have to navigate this alone.