As a parent, it can be difficult to know what to do when your child is struggling emotionally.
You might notice changes in their behaviour, mood or confidence. Perhaps they have become more withdrawn, anxious or angry, are struggling at school, finding friendships difficult, or seem unable to explain what is bothering them. Sometimes there may be an obvious reason, such as a bereavement, family changes, bullying or another significant life event. At other times, it may be difficult to understand what is happening.
Children do not always have the words or emotional awareness to explain what they are experiencing. This is where children’s counselling can provide valuable support.
Counselling gives a child a safe, supportive space where they can explore their thoughts and feelings with a trained professional, at their own pace.
What is children’s counselling?
Children’s counselling is a form of therapeutic support specifically adapted to a child’s age, development and individual needs.
It is not simply about asking a child to sit down and talk about their problems. Depending on their age and what they are comfortable with, counselling may involve talking, drawing, creative activities, games, stories, worksheets or other therapeutic tools.
The aim is to help children make sense of what they are experiencing and develop healthier ways of coping.
A counsellor will listen without judgement and help the child explore their thoughts, feelings and experiences. The NHS describes counselling as a process where a therapist listens and helps a person find their own ways of dealing with difficulties, rather than simply telling them what to do.
What can children’s counselling help with?
Children may benefit from counselling for many different reasons. They do not necessarily need to have a diagnosed mental health condition.
Counselling may be helpful when a child is experiencing:
- Anxiety or excessive worry
- Low mood or sadness
- Anger or emotional outbursts
- Low self-esteem or confidence
- Difficulties managing emotions
- School-related worries
- Friendship or relationship difficulties
- Bullying
- Bereavement and loss
- Family changes or separation
- Stress or overwhelm
- Difficult or upsetting experiences
- Difficulty expressing feelings
- Changes in behaviour
- Fears or phobias
- Difficulties adjusting to change
Children and young people can also experience mental health difficulties in ways that are different from adults. Sometimes emotional distress may appear as changes in behaviour rather than a child saying that they are struggling.
This means that changes such as becoming increasingly withdrawn, irritable, tearful, angry or reluctant to attend school may be worth exploring rather than simply viewing them as “bad behaviour”.
The benefits of children’s counselling
One of the most important benefits of counselling is that it gives children somewhere they can talk openly about what is happening for them.
Children can sometimes feel that adults do not understand what they are going through, or they may worry about upsetting their parents by talking about difficult feelings. Having a neutral person to talk to can make it easier to explore things that feel difficult to discuss elsewhere.
Counselling can help children to:
Understand their emotions
Children can learn to recognise and name emotions and understand what might be happening underneath them.
For example, what looks like anger may sometimes be connected to fear, embarrassment, sadness, frustration or feeling out of control.
Learning to recognise these connections can help a child understand themselves better.
Develop emotional regulation skills
Counselling can introduce practical strategies that children can use when emotions become overwhelming.
These might include breathing exercises, grounding techniques, relaxation strategies, identifying triggers, taking time out appropriately and learning how to communicate when they need help.
Build confidence and self-esteem
Therapy can provide an opportunity for children to explore negative beliefs they may have developed about themselves.
A counsellor can help them recognise their strengths, challenge unhelpful thinking and develop a more balanced view of themselves.
Develop coping strategies
Rather than simply trying to make difficult feelings disappear, counselling can help children develop tools for managing them.
This might involve learning what helps when they feel worried, angry, overwhelmed or upset and gradually building a toolbox of strategies they can use in everyday life.
Improve communication
Some children find it difficult to tell adults what they need.
Counselling can help children develop the confidence and language to communicate their thoughts, feelings, worries and boundaries.
Make sense of difficult experiences
When a child has experienced something upsetting or significant, they may not fully understand how it has affected them.
Therapy can provide a safe environment to explore their experiences and begin to make sense of their thoughts and feelings.
What tools can counselling give a child?
One of the most valuable aspects of counselling is that children can develop practical tools that they can continue to use outside the therapy room.
Depending on the child’s age and needs, these might include:
Emotion identification – learning to recognise and name different emotions.
Emotion scales – using visual scales to identify how intense an emotion feels.
Grounding techniques – strategies to help when a child feels overwhelmed, anxious or disconnected.
Breathing and relaxation exercises – simple techniques that can help the body settle when emotions become intense.
Identifying triggers – understanding what situations, thoughts or experiences tend to lead to difficult emotions or behaviours.
Problem-solving skills – learning how to break a problem down and consider different options.
Coping plans – creating a personalised list of things the child can do when they are struggling.
Helpful thinking strategies – learning to notice unhelpful thoughts and consider alternative ways of looking at a situation.
Communication skills – developing ways to express feelings, ask for help and communicate needs.
Confidence-building activities – identifying strengths, achievements and positive qualities.
The specific tools used will depend on the individual child. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to children’s counselling.
For example, younger children may communicate through play, drawing or creative activities, while an older child may feel more comfortable talking, using worksheets or exploring their thoughts and behaviours directly. NHS guidance recognises talking therapies, counselling, CBT and creative approaches such as play therapy as options for supporting children and young people.
The therapeutic relationship matters
Perhaps one of the most important parts of children’s counselling is the relationship that develops between the child and their counsellor.
A child needs to feel safe, listened to and accepted before they are likely to feel comfortable exploring difficult things.
The counsellor’s role is not to judge the child, tell them off or simply tell them what they should do. Instead, the counsellor works alongside them to understand their experiences and help them develop their own ways of coping.
For some children, having an adult who genuinely listens to them and takes their feelings seriously can be an important experience in itself.
Research-informed NHS guidance highlights the value of conversations with children and young people being transparent, non-judgemental, accepting, empathic and appropriate to their developmental level. Feeling heard and understood can itself have therapeutic value.
Building this relationship can take time. A child may not immediately talk about what is troubling them, particularly if they have been reluctant to seek help or have had difficult experiences with adults.
The counsellor will therefore work at the child’s pace and use approaches that are appropriate for their age, personality and individual circumstances.
Does my child need to talk about everything?
No.
Children should not feel pressured to disclose everything immediately. Developing trust is an important part of the therapeutic process.
A counsellor may use activities, conversation or creative approaches to help a child gradually feel more comfortable.
The goal is not simply to get a child to talk. It is to create a relationship and environment where they feel safe enough to explore what they are experiencing when they are ready.
How can parents support the process?
Parents and carers have an important role in supporting a child’s emotional wellbeing.
Depending on the child’s circumstances and the therapeutic approach being used, a counsellor may work with parents or carers as well as the child. This might involve discussing general themes, suggesting ways to support the child at home or helping parents understand what their child may be experiencing.
At the same time, it is important that children have an appropriate private space within therapy where they can develop trust with their counsellor.
Confidentiality and safeguarding arrangements should be explained clearly at the beginning of therapy so that both the child and parent understand how information is handled.
When might counselling be helpful?
You do not necessarily have to wait until a problem becomes severe before seeking support.
If you have noticed ongoing changes in your child’s mood, behaviour or emotional wellbeing, counselling may provide an opportunity to understand what is happening and give them some additional support.
Sometimes children only need a small number of sessions to learn some new strategies and feel more confident managing a particular difficulty. Others may benefit from longer-term support. The appropriate approach will depend on the child’s individual needs.
Supporting your child’s emotional wellbeing
As parents, we naturally want to protect our children from difficult emotions and experiences. However, children cannot avoid every difficult situation or feeling.
What we can help them develop is the ability to understand their emotions, communicate what they need and have strategies they can use when things feel difficult.
Children’s counselling can provide a safe space for this learning to take place.
It can give children the opportunity to feel heard, develop a trusting relationship with a counsellor, understand themselves better and build a toolkit of strategies they can take with them beyond the therapy room.
At Nightingale Counselling Consultancy, we understand that every child is different. Counselling is therefore tailored to the individual child, taking into account their age, personality, experiences and the difficulties they are currently facing.
If you are concerned about your child’s emotional wellbeing and would like to explore whether counselling could be helpful, our team can discuss your concerns and help you understand what support may be appropriate.